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At times, a 22-year-old from Los Angeles believes he is “unmatched in his abilities”. As a diagnosed narcissist, his grandiose moments frequently escalate into “highly unrealistic”, he explains. “You are on cloud nine and you’re like, ‘People will see that I surpass everyone else … I will achieve remarkable feats for the world’.”

Regarding his experience, these episodes of self-aggrandisement are typically followed by a “emotional downturn”, during which he feels deeply emotional and ashamed about his conduct, making him highly sensitive to disapproval from those around him. He came to wonder he might have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) after looking up his traits online – and was later confirmed by a specialist. But, he questions he would have agreed with the assessment without having independently formed that understanding on his own. When someone suggests to somebody that they have NPD, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he comments – most notably if they experience feelings of superiority. “They’re in a delusional world that they made for themselves. And within that framework, No one compares to me and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Defining The Condition

While people have been identified with narcissism for more than a century, definitions vary what people refer to as the label. People frequently term everybody a narcissist,” states a leading researcher, adding the word is “used more than it should be” – but when it comes to a formal diagnosis, he suggests many people keep it private, because of significant negative perception around the illness. An individual diagnosed will tend to have “an exaggerated self-image”, “difficulty understanding others’ feelings”, and “a tendency to exploit relationships to enhance their social status through things like pursuing power,” the specialist explains. Those with NPD may be “deeply egotistical”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he emphasizes.

I never truly valued about anyone really, so relationships weren’t a priority relationships seriously

Variations by Gender in Narcissism

Though a significant majority of people found to have narcissistic personality disorder are males, studies indicates this figure does not mean there are less female narcissism, but that female narcissism is more often presented in the vulnerable narcissism type, which is often overlooked. Narcissistic traits in men tends to be somewhat tolerated, as with everything in society,” says a 23-year-old who shares content on her NPD and borderline personality disorder (BPD) on social media. It’s fairly common, the two disorders appear together.

First-Hand Experiences

“I really struggle with handling criticism and not being accepted,” she shares, whenever it’s suggested that the problem is me, I tend to switch to a defensive state or I completely shut down.” Despite having this behavior – which is often called “ego wounding”, she has been working to manage it and accept input from her loved ones, as she doesn’t want to slip into the harmful behaviour of her previous life. I used to be manipulative to my partners in my youth,” she admits. Via therapeutic interventions, she has been able to reduce her narcissistic traits, and she says she and her current boyfriend “have a dynamic where I told him, ‘If I say something messed up, when I use toxic language, call it out {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

Her upbringing mainly in the care of her father and explains there was an absence of supportive figures as a child. I’ve had to teach myself all this time which behaviors are suitable or harmful to say when arguing because I lacked that guidance growing up,” she shares. Every insult was fair game when my household were criticizing me during my childhood.”

Origins of Narcissistic Traits

These mental health issues tend to be connected with childhood challenges. “There is a genetic component,” explains a consultant psychiatrist. But, when someone shows signs of narcissism, it is often “connected with that specific childhood circumstances”. Those traits were “a survival tactic in some ways to cope in formative years”, he adds, when they may have been overlooked, or only shown love that was based on meeting certain expectations. They then “rely on those familiar tactics as adults”.

In common with many of the NPD-diagnosed people, one individual thinks his parents “might exhibit similar traits. The adult shares when he was a child, “the focus was always on them and their work and their social life. So it was like, don’t bother us.” When their focus was on him, it came in the form of “significant demands to achieve high marks and professional advancement, he notes, which made him feel that if he didn’t fulfill their expectations, he wasn’t “good enough”.

When he became an adult, none of his relationships were successful. Emotional investment was lacking about anyone really,” he admits. “So I’ve never taken relationships seriously.” He didn’t think experiencing genuine affection, until he met his current partner of three years, who is facing similar challenges, so, in a comparable situation, struggles with mood stability. She is “very supportive of the internal struggles in my head”, he notes – it was in fact, her who first suspected he might have NPD.

Accessing Support

After a visit to his doctor, an assessment was arranged to a mental health professional for an assessment and was told his diagnosis. He has been recommended for talking therapy through national services (a long period of therapy is the main intervention that has been proven effective NPD patients, experts say), but has been on the waiting list for a year and a half: It was indicated it is expected around maybe February or March next year.”

He has shared with a handful of people about his NPD diagnosis, because “prejudice is common that the disorder equates to toxicity”, but, privately, he has accepted it. The awareness assists me to comprehend my actions, which is positive,” he explains. Those interviewed have acknowledged their condition and are seeking help for it – hence being willing to talk about it – which is likely not typical of all people with the diagnosis. But the growth of NPD content creators and the rise of online support communities suggest that {more narcissists|a growing number